Battle Rex

Bastards. Ebay and PayPal are bastards. You try and do the right thing, follow all the rules, earn a living that allows you to stay home with your children and you get fucked!! With funds being tight due to my wife just finishing nursing school and awaiting a job as an RN, Ebay has become the main source of our family’s income. Sounds simple enough, right? Nope. Why, you ask? See the first sentence of this entry…

Not only has Ebay changed all of their policies to be anti-seller, including allowing buyers to do and say anything they want, yet only allowing sellers to leave positive feedback, now the blood-suckers want me to 1) sell my item, 2) kiss the buyers ass, 3) ship my item and then, the kicker: 4) wait for 21 MOTHER FUCKIN’ days for MY MOTHER FUCKIN’ money to be released to me!!! So  currently, there is $557.66 sitting in limbo whilst  I am forced to make Ramen noodles yet again for lunch.

Oh but wait, there’s more. Because the only way to get the bastards to release MY money to me is to ship the item. Guess what? Shipping costs MONEY! MY MONEY!! So Ebay “graciously” has allowed me to put shipping labels on “credit” until MY MONEY is released. Thanks, Ebay. Except apparently they forget to mention that this is not the case for International shipments. And I bet you can guess what type of shipment I printed a label for today, can’t you? Yep. International. So $46.12 gets deducted from my bank account rather than MY MONEY that Ebay and PayPal are holding. And since $557.66 of MY MONEY is in PayPal and NOT my bank account, the $52.72 that IS in my bank account is now going to become $6.60. And 3 phone calls to the fabulous customer service representatives at PayPal, what with their uber easy to understand accents and uncomfortable computer-generated pauses and responses, were super successful. Not. “Sorry this happened to you” and “Sucks to be you” and “You can suck on your $46.12 shipping label and die” was the gist of it. Oh, but don’t worry, “this is happening to millions of bay users right now. It is not only you” Oh, well THAT make me feel so much better. Again, thanks Ebay.

Que: high-powered NY attorney, class action lawsuit awaits.

A. At what point does compromising personal happiness become detrimental to ones own fulfillment and happiness? When risk can only be justified by the person performing said risk to make said person happy is considered “abstract” or out of the “socially” acceptable risk range that risk is perceived as and considered deviant and unacceptable by society.

Of Considering outside factors that can contribute and manipulate the personal risk equation.

1.Must be consider but the weight at which they contribute can also vary by person and spiritual values , culture, and ethnicity.

B. The overwhelming theme running through and dominating the risk factor equation seems to base the most value on producing what is considered beneficial for the sum of the population. Health care workers seem to be (for the most part) exempt from calculated risk as their practice tends to be self sacrificial and to benefit the greater general population even when the risk equation could in fact jeopardize their personal family and (in most cases) what’s considered socially unaccepted risks.

C. Where does this line blur? The psychological factors contributing to taking calculated risks in a professional vs. recreational manner seem to be separated by not only what’s socially acceptable but what could potentially benefit the entire population therefore increasing each and every members chance of benefiting from risk taking professions including but not limited to health care professions, fire fighting personal, and law enforcement officials.

D. Taking another look at this fading line we must also factor in for profit risks in non human beneficial services. Dangerous profession in which the risk factor seems prominent but not beneficial or even necessary to the preservation of humanity. Deep sea fishing in arctic weather or piloting commercial aircrafts fall into this category.

1. For profit exploitation and exemption from nominal vs. minimal risk and socially accepted normal psychological risk levels seems to dissipate even further when humans enter a variety of sports arenas.

E. Risk taking has to be psychologically engrained and probably  genetic with levels varying greatly from individual to individual. Society has a massive impact on how individuals who participate in risk taking behavior are labeled depending on not only what is acceptable, but what will give the greater payoff for personal preservation and pleasure.

1. In relation to keeping venomous species the risk factor line is almost invisible and in most cases one sided. When venomous are kept in standards that can be duplicated by the personal hobbyist, the act of keeping these animals is often seen by the rest of society  as purely deviant. Just as one accepts the risks and benefits of modern personal transportation which could never truly be a controlled environment due to a variety of chaotic outside forces including, but not limited to intoxicated drivers.

2. In essence the desire to keep potentially dangerous animals should be viewed with the same social acceptance as the weekend warrior rockclimber, scuba diver, and plane jumper. It’s not an inhert death wish which is a common misconception. In reality it’s quite the opposite and a great love and respect for not only the select, pleasurable  and/or profitable forms of life, but rather all forms of life.

Contemplating the notion, you tell me?

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

Candles raised by desire,
why I’m so far away.
No more meaning to my life,
No more reason to stay.

Freezing, feeling,
Breathe in, breathe in…
I’m coming back again…

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

Hazing clouds rain on my head,
Empty thoughts fill my ears.
Find my shade by the moonlight,
why my thoughts aren’t so clear.

Demons dreaming,
Breathe in, breathe in…
I’m coming back again…

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

I’m not the one who’s so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don’t remember why I came.

Voodoo, voodoo, voodoo, voodoo,
voodoo, voodoo, voodoo.

So far away…
I’m not the one who’s so far away…
I’m not the one who’s so far away…
I’m not the one who’s so far away…

A huge thanks goes out to those who sent in emails, and even took the time to send Bella a gift to aid in her recovery. Wrapped up in legal shit still, give thanks to those you have, and to those who have your back. Zoid.US will never die! A special thanks to Mr. Jerry Wang, woot woot!

All apologies that I have not checked back in. I have been spending time with Bella, trying to support Kara in her school diligence, and dealing with the depressive change in seasons all at once. School is also demanding more than I can give at the moment and I am wrapped up in a legal battle that I have not said too much about until I win.

Bella seems to be back to almost normal save for the wicked back scar and the wincing  in pain in the car whenever we go over a sizable bump. From the start of this whole ordeal I have never mentioned the “C” word as I tend to be highly superstitious. (My doctors call it “OCD”).

I read, Kara reads, and we still feel either the same or worse when we finish. The tumor or to be more specific the “Ependymoma” that Bella had was totally removed and we finally received the final grade, which was grade number 2. Now lets’s go over a list of a few things I find to be odd about this whole situation:

1. And foremost I believe that absolutely no five year old should have to go through any kind of shit like this.

2. Ependymoma is usually found in the brain, how it got that far down is a complete mystery, as it is usually found in adults in this location (90% of childhood ependymoma is in the brain).

3. The second tumor which had contrast and masqueraded itself during the MRI to be a replicate of the first just disappeared. The current theory is that this was just blood that was re-absorbed.

4. The chances of getting an Ependymoma would be about the same chance you would have of winning the lottery.

5. The Ependymoma always tend to come back, and when they do they tend to come back as the next worse level which makes them a “C” word, and I have concluded that this is why it’s so divided as to whether or not  call it the “C” word initially.

6. Most of the research Kara, Myself, and the Neurosurgeon can find on this particular case is 15 to 20 years old only highlighting how rare this type of Ependymoma really is.

Now, we have an appointment with oncology on Oct.29th to discuss which direction we will take. No matter what happen,s life has been changed forever. The MRI machine will become a permanent fixutre in all of our lives and somehow focusing on health and having health has returned.

From my research, it’s likely that Bella will have to have radiation treatment. Now this is good news compared to contrasting radiation with chemo therapy. The thing about the Ependymoma monster is that they tend to return like a bad habit and the key to slaying this demon is small doses of radiation preventing their eventual return. Prognosis depends upon a variety of things including but not limited to location of the tumor and  if and how much of it could be removed.

Bella’s location was optimal but there is still a chance it could have “dropped” cells which opened the doors for radiation treatment. We also spoke with the initial Neurologist who called to let us know her iron levels were low. Generally not a good thing, this laid to rest the daunting thought of neurofibromatosis which normally does not carry very positive  prognosis rates (this would have been manifested with high iron levels).

I hope this update gives a bit more insight. I could go on and on about how bad this sucks and the other negatives results something like this produces in a family environment, but I wont. My goal is to have this documented to show Bella in 20-30 years how much of a scare we really did have with this.

Did anyone notice there is s new section on the mothersite? I was debating for awhile on putting up the OER but the arrival of Krark made the choice easy. Thanks for reading and the next update should contain all the Salamanders or a review of a prototype redler.

In conclusion I would like to thank everybody for their continued support, and apologize to those who haven’t thought I have been myself as of late…

Still BattleRexLess,

-Seth

P.S. The staples came out a week ago this Tuesday. As usual, Bella was a trooper and shed but a single tear. The scar on her back is healing nicely, there may not be any need for that tattoo we had previously discussed ;P Hopefully this whole event will fade as nicely and quickly as this scar has.

I thought I would post a little update on the situation.

This is our first day home, Bella was released around 5 pm last night. The night went well, and today seems to be rolling along just fine with minimal pain and plenty of smiles.

Just as we were about to be discharged the nurse came in and told us that we needed to consult with oncology. That statement brought yet another whirlwind of chaos through Kara and my minds. It’s funny how a word can conjure up such emotions…..severe emotions.

The absolute latest is that the initial testing of the tumor is finished and we now have an actual name for the tumor itself: Ependymoma. We are still awaiting final pathology for the grading. The Neuro Surgeon informed us that he was successful in getting the tumor out which brought slight relief, but I personally thought once something was removed it was (for the most part) finished. Upon doing a bit of research I discovered that more variables exist than I had initially thought, and that proper treatment depends upon knowing exactly what we are dealing with.

This is the problem that continues to plague us. For some reason we do NOT seem to know exactly what the tumor is. Preliminary pathological results indicated it was “probably” low grade, yet I am told that it’s the FINAL pathology report that really “counts”.

Bella has to get her staples removed on Tuesday at which time we also are scheduled to speak with an oncologist. So the agony of this ordeal will persist until Tuesday which seems way farther away than it really is.

Going through this has made me realize some things. The fact that Bella never once asked “why” really makes me think. Probably one of the first thoughts that would cross my mind is “why”, yet she just accepts it and carries on like a pit bull. I admire her strength and ability to see the good no matter what type of situation she is in. Perhaps we can all learn a little something from Bella?

In closing I am attaching a picture of her wound which is healing nicely (she is quite proud of it and likes looking at pictures of it!), and thank everyone who wrote special notes, sent encouraging thoughts, positive energy, vibes & prayers, and even sent Bella Teddy Bears, flowers & balloons & gifts. A very special thank you goes out to our parents for being by our side throughout this whole experience and her little sisters, Zoe & Ivee for holding things down at home, visiting her when she was out of ICU and for making her as comfortable as possible upon her arrival home. Hopefully this experience will be a short one…


The result of Bella's Tumor Removal surgery.

-Seth

Yesterday came and went like a blur, but did bring good news.

The Dr. (Neuro Surgeon) came in to speak with us. A few hours after the surgery Bella had to have another MRI which came as a surprise to us. We never understood exactly why this was ordered, or what questions it would answer but she did very well again.

The Dr. came in and told us the 2nd mass was not actually a mass but rather blood that had leaked from the larger mass. I never comprehended it would have been so quick, but I guess the intent was to have Bella undergo yet another surgery while she was still here to remove the second mass.

The Dr. also reported that he did get all of the first mass and there was  (is) nothing left, which was relieving. This morning another Dr. (the Neuro attending) came in to remove Bella’s bandage and informed me that the removed mass is initially reported to be 1st grade, which is the best type of grade to have should anyone have to deal with this.

Bella is VERY sore, yet constantly entertained and the long periods of staying awake are starting to take a toll on me. She is asleep now and we await PT this morning to try and get her moving around a bit.

A quick yet positive update for those following this,

-Seth

Took Bella to the UNM Children’s Hospital for her surgery.

The waiting room was adorned with building blocks, and bowling pin sets.

Amongst the toys a beacon of hope appeared, in the form of a Zoid.

Giving me one of those sudden hints life tends to give, I took the Liger as a sign of good luck,

and had to snap a picture to memorialize here. It seems that at all the best, worst, and pivotal points

(in my life) Zoids (somehow) seem to show up……..

Bella did well in surgery. The largest Tumor was completely removed.  As the Doctor gave report

to myself, Kara,  and Bella’s entourage we were told that the

tumor was totally removed even though it had anchored itself pretty well, and they are 97% sure it’s of the

benign type. This was followed by informing us that

it IS a re-occurring type of tumor, and would probably have to

be treated with radiation and/or chemo to ensure it did not

return. After those two words (radiation and chemo) came

out, the rest of the Dr.’s voice seemed garbled akin to as if I were

a “Charlie Brown” character sitting in the classroom where the teacher’s

voice becomes highly unintelligible.  As few as two words can (and will) change your life.

It’s 2:51am now and I sit by Bella’s bedside and await the sun rise. A picture of the Liger

Zero Midnight, Bella, and I follows….

-Seth

Liger Zero Midnight appears on the scene...

The dog died, the car now rests in a junkyard. I would have thought that everything negative that could have potentially happen did. About 2 weeks ago my youngest fell ill, it was an odd kind of ill. She could not walk, and complained of severe back pain. It was off to the ER the next day where X-rays revealed nothing broken. She was back at home and after approx. 7 days of me carrying her about the house, the pain subsided.

Our Ped. Dr. wanted to be safe as she also complained of the back pain moving down to her knees and to the upper part of her feet. So two days ago Kara and I sat in the MRI station here at UNM. We were told it would be about 30 minutes. After 30 minutes passed we became a little worried. The double doors opened, and the Dr. came out… He informed us that something had been found, and extra scans were ordered on the spot effectively making the 30 minute procedure a 2 hour nightmare.

After two hours of sitting completely still it was revealed that there are two “masses” in her lower back. This was on a Friday. we were told to go home and wait for a call to tell us more. The call came with no more details save for new appointments with a Neurologist on Monday.

Yesterday we met with the Neurologist who had several theories of exactly what they might be, buy wanted to yield to the discretion of an actual Neuro Surgeon. Keep in mind she had to be poked several times up to this point (every time she gets poked I break down), and it tears me up beyond belief, as not many thing in life tend to do.

After viewing her MRI result the Neuro Surgeon consulted with a Radiologist and the half hour appointment became (yet again) scary long. The Neuro Surgeon came back in to speak with us and reveled that they (the tumors or “masses”)  were probably benign in nature but the larger of the two was resting in an awkward spot… and needed to come out “soon”. Kara and I looked at each other and asked the inevitable question: “How soon is soon?”

His reply was: “Monday”. In that second my already distorted world was turned upside down like a ragdoll. I feel angry, helpless, rageful, sad, and confused all at the same time. A 5 year old is going to go through back surgery where the top of her vertebrae will have to be removed, her dura punctured and sewn back, the tumor removed, and then remain for days (hopefully heavily sedated) in the pediatric intensive care unit here at UNM.

The day I thought I would be putting up the full Salamander/Krark review and celebrating the completion of bringing all the Salamanders together went to hell and now those pieces are a reminder of something else.

I will try and work on getting something up to relieve my twisted emotions that have resulted from the last few months of life, and I appreciate your support. Just thought you might want to know what was “up”…..

-Seth